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Disassociating is an extremely frustrating coping mechanism. Since around 6th grade, I’ve had fuzzy memories surrounding most of every day, and have a very hard time recalling very stressful times. I don’t know why or what caused it, but whenever I get scared, or super emotional, my mind just decides to go on vacation.

It helps in some situations, like when I’m playing Smash Bros competitively sometimes it’ll help me tune out my nerves and play calmly, but at the same time I can’t actively think and process my opponent’s movements.

I think it’s hard for most people who haven’t experienced it to comprehend, and I can definitely understand why. As far as I can tell from what I’ve talked about with a therapist, I probably have derealization disorder, not disassociative disorder. The difference is that I don’t necessarily have “out of body” experiences, rather, I’m fully conscious and aware of my surroundings, I can talk, and I can interact with people, but my mind isn’t there. It’s really hard to put into words.

Like, I’ll be messaging friends in bed, and disassociate. I’ll still feel my bed, and hear the sounds of the house, but won’t really process it. I’ll be holding conversations with friends, but won’t be thinking about responses or processing what they’ve said, yet my fingers will still be typing. I’m not sure what kind of an example I can bring up, since I don’t really know what’s normal auto-piloting through everyday and what’s disassociating, but I feel like I’ve heard someone mention something about driving.

Have you ever gotten in your car to drive from your house on a well known commute, like to school or work, and then after you start driving, you realize you’re there? You knew you were driving, but not necessarily conscientious of your surroundings or actively using thought, and when you try to remember specific details of the drive, it’s fuzzy. That’s kind of what it’s like to disassociate in a simple kind of way.

I dunno. Any of you guys ever disassociate? Especially any of y’all who’ve had the out of body versions of it?